A patient in prison or on the outside has to state a reason for the visit when making a doctor's appointment. This statement then gets transferred to the doctor's schedule to explain why the patient is being seen. Somehow this seemingly simple bit of information can be lost in translation and transformed into a bit of medical hilarity.
My favorite reason for visit in residency was "Patient says the emeralds you made her don't fit and she needs new ones." No, I actually wasn't carving gemstones or making jewelry in the exam room (although that sounds fun!) The emeralds were actually ear molds that my patient requested I help her make so she could send away for hearing aids. (She lived alone and her overweight and beloved service beagle, who came to nearly all of her visits over 3 years, couldn't help her with that task of daily living.)
My prison schedule has some equally amusing reasons for medical appointments including:
"I am really not trying to be a pain in the behind, but the pain in my knees overide it all."
"States 'insides' coming out. Was in reference to her vagina."
18 year old male:
"Complains of pain in his vulva."
(Apparently, he was told by some other teenage offenders that the proper term for pain in his left upper quadrant was his 'vulva.' Poor guy.)
Julie, my sides hurt! ...from laughing!
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